all that is left to say.

(i had a dream)
you and me
sitting there in the chaos and screams
eating chicken wings while the world ended
all those years together
and all we could think to say to each other
was how it was a shame they were out of the good ones
the hot ones

and waiting for the jellyfish to dine on our minds
hoping to join the ranks that could not see the rising waters
could not smell the sewers choked with rotting corpses

this must indeed be death's dream kingdom
just for the dead
the veil of night masks it
in the illusion of glories we never had in life

as our dessicated bodies float
souls escape the supermax prisons of life

the boy we wanted to talk to that time
but never did
listening to our minds and our minders
'he's not good enough for you'
'not a good sort of boy for you'
'faggot'
so instead we kept quiet
we never had a real chance at happiness after that
at least not the kind we could have had

the friends we never quite fit in with
misguided by advice handed down to us as law
and too afraid to be ourselves
and too afraid of rejection
until the time came we finally got up the nerve to break the law
and found the friends
by then of course too old to fit in
too old to grow old with the kids we could have been friends with for life
instead on the sidelines once again
just a taste of what that moment would have been like
if just once as a kid we'd said 'fuck off' instead of 'yes mum'
it could have all gone different

and you, how this ever happened
just the biggest symbol of my fucking failure
how the fuck this ever fucking happened
i hate myself for meeting you, even worse for telling myself i loved you
munching on your chicken wing with that stupid blank stare
i just want to smash your face in
or at least shake you
say 'wake the fuck up man'
but i don't really care about you or if you stay stupid
besides it's not your fault
it's all my fault

not much point in excuses when buildings crumble
into shit-stained putrefying water
i wasn't too young, i was just stupid
i listened to too many people whom i was told to trust
i never should have
so i lost my freedom tangled in their barbed-wire chains of 'middle-class standards'
tearing myself to bits in the one fatalistic act of transgression, rebellion
that lead my shattered vulnerable drowning self to you
shivering and desperate to be warm and not alone

i can't say you took advantage
i forced your hand that day
bent your empathy to make you take care of me
when really i should have been a better person
and let myself get sucked under without a fight
but like most drowning victims it was only a matter of time and panic
before i tried to take down my unwilling rescuer with me
and as it would be forever from there
i mostly failed at that also

suffering for years until like squid ink black and cold
hate replaced whatever that feeling we called love was
choking out the sun
the world was a barren snow

then it ended, finally at last for real, the glaciers breaking free
seemed such relief for that short time
until til i realized the inevitable truth
until the waters rose and drowned the world.